My life flipped out on me.
Ever since my classes have started, my life decided to flip on me. No longer am I chasing after a dream of writing and boy who cannot make up his mind. I'm now chasing my self in a life that makes literally no sense. I'm sitting and dwelling on this overwhelming feeling I've recently obtained. A feeling a young girl like me shouldn't have. A panicky feeling of terrible feelings and nasty senses. Its disgusting. I'm a switch. I'm on and off; bright and dark. Over and over and over
and over again. They say if you're not up and down; you're dead. But if
we're strictly speaking about heart beats; mine is spiking unnaturally
and I'm not breathing. And I hate it.I'm looking at my life right now because It changes every second and
I'm trying to track where I went wrong and how can I predict my next
move. And in doing that I'm forgetting to look around. I'm quickly
learning that life is a full time job; no wonder I was so suicidal when I
was younger. And what really sucks; now that I've gotten older I care
too much- so I'm stuck here. And I'm a whiner bitch than I ever was. But
that's what this blog is for; To be a whiny bitch and not care because I
hate Facebook and tumblr and twitter or whatever is so popular to whine
on at this moment. So I'm stuck. I guess I've always
been stuck. Like in the dark and waiting for anything to happen and when
nothing happens I go and do it for myself and then I mess everything
up. So what can I do; If I wait like a princess I'll never get anywhere.
If I go out like Pocahontas, I screw everything up for myself because
I'm destructive. Life is so annoying to me. But possibly; I'm the
annoying one to life. Self destruct is a word that sounds like its summing up my life. I'm self destructing and things are going haywire and I'm sweating under the pressure. But hey, that's life. So why am I bitching?
Because if I didn't- Who knows what I'd do.
My path of life has been completely flipped upside down and inside out. I'm now working three jobs, and every time I try to work those jobs something happens almost giving me the inability to do those jobs. My life is pissing me off.
This overwhelming feeling, feels dark. And I don't like it. I guess this is called growing up; if that's true- I want to be five again. Please let me be five again. Please.